Have you ever had the experience that despite your best efforts, things just don't seem to work?

Perhaps you've tried various diets, tested new workout programs, tried to relax more - but you still find yourself stuck.

If this sounds familiar, it may be time to stop looking for the solution outside of yourself and start looking within.

Because it's often not the methods that fail. It's the people who apply them.

• "I quit diet [X] because it's not helping me lose weight."
• "Exercise didn't solve my physical complaints, so I quit."
• "Stretching didn't help me feel less stiff, so I quit."
• "Cardio training didn't give me more energy, so I quit."

Do these statements sound familiar?

They reflect a common pattern I often encounter as a coach.

People are usually not good at objectively assessing their failure.

They like to shift the blame onto something or someone else, because it's easier.

This prevents them from seeing the real problem.

Something you don't see, you can't change, because it 'doesn't exist'.

If you don't look for the cause of a problem within yourself, you will never achieve the intended result.

People constantly set health, well-being, and performance goals that they don't achieve.

This is widely reflected in our society, with record numbers of people overweight, depressed, burned out, physical and mental complaints.

This is preventable or solvable if people dare to look at themselves.

Honesty has become a taboo in a world where everyone should be able to be anything, no one may judge, and everything must be tolerated.

But remember: what you tolerate, you accept. And what you accept, you don't change.

Read on to discover how to break these patterns and actually achieve your goals.

The Magic You're Looking For is Within You.

Have you ever considered the damage of placing the cause of a problem externally, while it actually lies within yourself?

Everyone has something they want to solve or achieve, but haven't done so yet.

Have you wanted to lose weight for years, but are still overweight?

Or have you wanted to quit your job for years and start your own business, but are still working for the same employer?

Chances are there are also things in your life that you would like to change but have not yet tackled.

Consider the three most important issues. Imagine not changing anything about them (because you place the cause externally). What would be the consequence of that? Who would be affected by this?

How do you feel now that you think about it?

The biggest problem people have when improving their lives is not recognizing the source of a problem. But even worse is addressing the wrong cause. This takes time and effort, without yielding results, or even with unwanted results. Imagine:

You go to the doctor because of back pain. The doctor takes a scan and decides that your left kidney needs to be removed. After the operation, you wake up and find that the right side of your body is bandaged. Turns out, the surgeon operated on the wrong kidney. Not only did he address the wrong 'cause', he created a life-threatening problem.

This is exactly what happens when someone is not honest about the real cause of a problem. This can cause serious problems in the long run.

Now imagine a world where you clearly see the cause of your problems and can work on them directly. What would then be possible?

What would your life look like then?

What would you have that you don't have now?

Who would you be, that you are not now?

"It's Not Things That Don't Work, It's People Who Don't Work"

Operating on the wrong kidney isn't just inconvenient, it's dangerous.

Every human being has areas in life that can be improved. Whether this falls within the physical, mental, personal, business, or any other domain, it doesn't matter. Solving something that doesn't work and striving towards goals in life is essential if you don't want to get into trouble. You not only improve yourself, but it also has an impact on the people around you.

In this newsletter, I invite you to look at the issues you have wanted to resolve or achieve for a long time but have not yet done. The goal is to prevent you from making the mistake of looking for a solution in the wrong place, so that you can focus on the right one.

Here's what we'll cover:

• The problem with focusing on external factors
• Assignment: From goal to reality

Now that we've established the context, let's take a look at a common mistake people make when trying to solve their problems: they focus too much on external factors.

The Problem With Focusing On External Factors

All too often, I see people neglecting or avoiding important goals because they focus on external factors. Like things, situations, circumstances or other people. What they forget by placing their focus outside themselves, is to look at themselves. While in 99% of the cases, that's where the real value and solution lie.

If you're mainly focused on others, circumstances, and situations, then there's a high chance you're unable to look at yourself honestly. This doesn't make you a bad person, but it does make it impossible to solve certain issues.

If you want to make a change in your life, regardless of in which domain, it always starts with you.

It becomes clearer how this external focus can be problematic when we look at how most people approach their problems:

What most people do, however, is to look for blame or cause outside themselves. For example;

• “I can't lose weight because I'm just predisposed to being overweight”
• “I can't exercise because I'm busy with the kids”
• “I can't finish my work because my colleague keeps pushing work onto me”
• “I'm stressed out because of my staff”

If you observe these statements carefully, you'll see that in all situations the 'cause' lies outside the individual. The problem is due to predisposition, the kids, a colleague, or the staff. But in none of these cases is that the absolute truth, because;

• Everyone can lose weight, regardless of your genetic predisposition, if you do what is necessary.
• You can take on more responsibilities than just taking care of your children.
• You have control over what you say 'yes' and 'no' to.
• Others can't make you 'stressed'; only your thoughts about the other person can do that.

If people are unable to look at their own contribution to a situation, problem, or challenge, they can't possibly make any real changes. You can't change external factors. You have no control over them. You only have control over yourself and how you deal with these situations.

The painful part of the story is that many people will never have this insight. The result is a lifetime of complaining about others and circumstances and never changing anything about it. This ultimately leads to a negative experience that becomes increasingly difficult to trace. In response to this, people develop compensation strategies that consistently avoid addressing the problem — often completely unconsciously.

The alternative is to look internally, within yourself, for the cause. By looking at what your influence is in every situation and what you can (and will) do about it. By taking control yourself and steering your behavior in the desired direction.

Looking at your own influence and taking control of your behavior is simple, but usually not easy. People are simply often not used to looking at themselves first. The easy option is to look outside yourself. While the real transformative power lies in looking at yourself. Let's get started with an exercise.

From Challenge to Action: The Power of Internal Focus

Now that we've discussed how important it is to look at ourselves for change and improvement, it's time to put this knowledge into action. I challenge you to take a problem or goal in your life that you've been trying to solve or achieve for a while. For now, let's call it the 'Challenge'.

Step 1: Which Challenge Are You Consistently Avoiding?

Grab a pen and paper or open the notes on your laptop or smartphone. Make two columns:

• Column 1: What do I want to solve?
• Column 2: What do I want to achieve?

Write down in the respective column all the issues that you have wanted to solve or achieve for a long time but have always avoided.

Step 2: Set Priorities

Review your list and rate each challenge on a scale of 1 (unimportant) to 10 (highest priority).

Then choose one to two challenges that you want to actively tackle.

Keep the list for later so you can use it to tackle the rest of the challenges at a later time.

Step 3: Reflection on the Challenge(s)

Write down all the external factors you've blamed so far for avoiding this challenge. These are the obstacles that, if you're not aware of them, stand in the way of achieving your goal.

Resolve that they will no longer stand in your way.

Step 4: Your Influence

Now look at this list and ask yourself: 'What am I going to do about this?' In other words, what is necessary to do to effectively achieve this goal? Write down the following:

1. What knowledge do I need?
2. What skills do I need?
3. What actions are necessary?
4. Make a detailed plan and set deadlines.
5. If you're missing something in points 1-3, solve it yourself or enlist the help of a professional.

Step 5: Taking Responsibility

Finally, make a deal with yourself about what you're going to do exactly and hold yourself accountable.

You can choose to share your goal with a trusted friend or family member.

The point is to take responsibility by consistently doing what is necessary to achieve your goal. How you do that is up to you — it's your responsibility.

Remember, it's easy to blame external factors.

But real change comes from within, from your own will to grow and improve.

By focusing on your own influence and taking control of your behavior, you're taking a powerful step towards positive change.

It may not be easy, but it's definitely worth it.

"Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change."

- Jim Rohn